"There are things that can knock you down you don't even see coming, they'll send you cryin like a baby back home." -from Bruce Springsteen's Darkness on the Edge of Town. This has been true for me. Our family has been in the middle of a personal crisis/transformation.
During moments of personal or familial crisis it seems as if life becomes like a shaken snowglobe. All the things you know, and things you think you know, get stirred up, all searching for it's own spot to claim. Some thoughts and concepts you used to cleave too are cast aside no longer of use, some you hold dear and those become stronger by building on them. This all takes time, to suddenly identify different layers of thought, process new stimuli, and to begin the practise of a more evolved and loving faith style.
I'm very happy to report faith and joy are still possible, and even more deeply. At a certain point I found myself throwing my hands up into the air-and making a decision to just go with the flow. There was nothing else I could do anyway. What precipitated this "letting go" during the height of my anguish? A kind word of encouragement from a new friend "Be good to yourself". & The love of someone else very close to me telling me "This is enough. . . you've had enough."
I'm often inspired by this simple truth emblazoned on a plaque at my in-laws home. I wish I knew who the author was.
I sought my soul,
my soul I could not see
I sought my God
but God eluded me
I sought my brother
and found all three
by William Black circa 1700's.
(thanks to my friend, Dori Barrett, for letting me know who the author is.)